Navigating Emotions with Boys
As our little boys grow, we worry about their busy silence and the messes they are making. When they grow into big boys, their silence is still worrying but it is not necessarily about the mess, but more so the silence – why wont they talk to me? How you respond to them is teaching them how to manage their own emotions. How you interact with your partner is showing them what managing emotions looks like. Relationship counselling gets you and your partner on the same page to help you proudly and confidently navigate your own emotional regulation, while role modelling and making your precious little boy an intelligent young man.
Following are tips and tricks to learn, try and practice. Some of these ideas are harder than others, but when your partner is on the same page and parenting the same way, you can be proud you are doing a great job and building a beautiful relationship with your son.
[1] Show your love in ways that will land - less words, more action. Speak with less commas.
[2] Swap the lecture with listening, listen to understand who he is.
[3] Focus on the feelings first, not the issue - what provoked the issue, what was building before the action?
[4] Avoid making your emotions the primary concern for now, make him feel important.
[5] Help him to understand how his responses and reactions have an effect on others.
[6] Help him check in to consider if his emotional reaction is from being overwhelmed. Check yours as well, before you deal with the issue - check the previous blog Just calm down! — New View Counselling and Support
[7] There is safety in teaching through others. It’s less personal and intimidating to talk about.
[8] When he tells a story about someone else, listen carefully, does he retell or interpret?
[9] He has a choice - a choice not to act on a feeling, learn to notice it then let it pass. This is a tough one and we as adults need to practice this one too.
[10] Encourage the choice he makes to allow ‘healthy expression of emotion’ when needed. Especially anger and frustration, finding an appropriate ‘boy way’ to release it will set him up to be the respectful friend and partner to someone else, just as you hope for him.
[11] Respect his feelings by avoiding "that's silly" or "stop that carry on". When he gets this response, he will soon work out there is no point sharing the story.
[12] His behaviour may be the only way he can express something, listen with your eyes, when he is talking, look at him and notice his face and body.
[13] Give him space and remember people process emotions differently (particularly grief) - some will sleep, others will get busy and be active. For support through grief - Grief is a pain in the ass… belly, head and heart! — New View Counselling and Support
If you struggle to connect with your son (or daughter), relationship counselling can help you create quality connection with each member of the family, reduce stress and create more happy memories. Stop blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong – you are learning, just like the kids are learning. I can teach you self compassion, self acceptance and self love. When you have it, so do your kids.
