This is best answered by a previous client: “The counselling sessions improved other areas of my life as I wasn’t holding onto all that stress and dark clouds hanging over me as I was able to talk and get it out there, it made me breathe again, it definitely helped with my self-approval, and definitely changed the way I prioritise things, my family started coming first instead of hiding in that dark corner. So mentally it put me in a way more relaxing state of mind, and I can sleep again.” Beau

If you share that you are considering suicide, or plan to harm someone else, or someone else is threatening you, I will let you know I am concerned and may share this with my supervisor or protective authorities to make sure you are as safe as possible. Then, together we have the best plan. If someone has hurt you in the past and is still a risk to others, we will discuss our responsibilities around this. I will honour your courage and always put you first. I will never force you to report an incident if you are an adult, I respect your self-determination.

My notes can be subpoenaed by a court of law. You can request that I do not make a note of your discussion if necessary.

If you have a secret you have kept from your partner, I will help you address your feelings and with compassion, explore the best way to share it and ask for understanding and forgiveness. In relationship counselling, this can be one way to increase closeness - yes, really.

We might start with a plan of 5-10 sessions. In the early sessions we will clarify what your goals are so we can check in along the way and make sure we are on track. Things may also pop up along the way and become a new challenge, that’s ok, we will adjust and meet your needs as they arise. My ultimate hope for you is that you do not need me for long. As you will increase your confidence, skills, empowerment and resilience. You are a bit like a little bird sitting on the edge of the nest getting ready to fly, if you have a go and need more reassurance, just come back.

No and No. A psychiatrist will prescribe medicine, a psychologist will assess and diagnose. I will help you improve the strengths you already have from the experiences you remember. I will help you understand why things happen and you respond the way you do, and I will help you identify the resources around you (the people and services available) to get you back on track and believing in yourself again.

Medicare - No. This means you do not need to go to a GP first and have your psychological history on your medical records (and this should be considered for specific professional choices). Relationship Counselling is not covered by Medicare by a Psychologist or a Counsellor.

Health Funds - Yes. Please check with your fund in your ‘extras’ package. Smaller providers unfortunately may not recognise the skills and credibility of a Counsellor.

Some of the funds supporting your mental and emotional health are:

Bupa

Medibank

Doctors Health Fund

AHM

Police Health Fund

Saint Luke’s

Phoenix Health

Emergency Services Health

Grand United

Relationship Counselling

Our Aims

[1] Move together from relationship distress to security.

[2] We will

a] Deescalate the conflict by identifying the conflict pattern and attachment fears.

b] Identify needs and show acceptance of perspective and experience.

c] Increase emotional engagement and responsiveness to each other while expressing needs – we restructure and consolidate the interaction pattern and relationship connection.

[3] Explore the pattern and cycle of conflict – what are the triggers, are there unmet attachment needs (this is internal dialogue often misunderstood), what is the emotional reaction driving the thoughts and behavioural reactions?

[4] Change involves a new experience of the self and your partner and the creation of a new relationship pattern.

Structure of Sessions

[5] There will be early questionnaires and information gathering – this helps me get a clearer picture of your goals, current issues, perceptions, personalities, history. We can use some of these as measuring tools to check progress and changes. There may be activities to complete at home.

[6] Most of the session work will be as a couple. We may have individual sessions to focus on one person’s thoughts, feelings and perceptions. This can be opportunity to articulate and clarify. We will always offer this to the other partner and reconvene to couple work. If it becomes apparent, ongoing individual work is required, I will offer you a referral for individual counselling so I can continue supporting you both as a couple.

[7] You will know when we have had enough sessions. Expecting 10 initially is a realistic plan. Your initial goals may change, and new issues may evolve. This is very flexible. Your satisfaction and progress will be our guide. We can initially have sessions weekly or fortnightly depending upon the crisis or the longevity of the issue. We can progressively space sessions out. Before we consolidate, it is helpful to have at least one session to summarise your progress, to highlight your achievements and new confidence. Follow up sessions are recommended at six months, twelve months, and eighteen months – follow ups significantly reduce relapse into old patterns and catch new challenges early.

Our Responsibilities

[8] Come to sessions with intention to process something we have discussed last session, experiences between sessions, or a goal, something you hope to achieve.

[9] Be prepared to identify and explore your emotional reactions to a comment or situation. Why, because when you detach and do not feel, and it can become hard to separate the past from the present. Emotion becomes the target and agent of change. When you are safe to access and express emotions, it enables you to identify your most important needs and desires.

[10] Be present in the conversation. I may ask you “What did you hear your partner say?” (This is not about just repeating their words) – I am really asking “What was their ultimate experience of that moment?”

[11] We will maintain and encourage safety, respect – your voice will be heard and accepted.

[12] Both partners are equally able to contribute and feel valued without judgement.

[13] After sessions, allow time for yourself and your partner to process – this may be independently or together. Respectfully, allow space and do support each other in processing interpretations. If you have time after the session, go somewhere and ‘just be’. (Avoid heading straight into a business meeting).

[14] The best work often happens between sessions – when you maintain appropriate timing, approach with a gentle start up and reassure safety – I encourage you to practice new ways of connecting.

Secrets

[13] In an individual session, your confidentiality is respected within the bounds of safety concerns or legal requirements.

[14] If you tell me something you have not disclosed to your partner, I will support you

a] in considering the impact on you, if the information being kept to your self stays with you

b] in considering the impact on your partner if you keep the secret or decide to share it

c] in considering the impact on your relationship and your intention for sharing it

d] in preparing to share, if you decide to do so, in the most respectful and compassionate way possible.

The good news is, sometimes it only takes 3-4 sessions to learn new communication skills or understand why you are stuck, and you are right to go for a while.

Some couples may have been unhappy for a long time and have decided they are not in love any more, even though they still feel love for each other. Deciding to stay together or separate is a difficult decision and I will help guide you through each alternative. The decision will be yours, I will be there to help you through it.

Yes, and sometimes this is helpful to articulate what you are feeling and wanting, especially if you are having trouble expressing it with your partner. You get to choose. Sometimes, you might just be listening and supporting as your partner expresses their personal issue.

If one of you seems stuck or resistant or defensive, we might have a session alone to explore this, but your partner will also be offered an individual session. I will not develop a preference or become a cheer leader for one of you at the expense of the other. We are in this together and you are both respected and heard equally.

If there are personal, or historical issues that have not been processed and they are impacting your relationship today, individual counselling will be recommended, and I will refer you to one of my very trusted and professional colleagues. The referral enables me to remain your Relationship Counsellor.

… Ignore your past story, your values, your preferences.

…. Talk about myself all the time and give detailed stories about how I conquered the world of relationships.

… Keep you in counselling when you are smashing it, confident and ready to stop.

Counselling is not coaching.

I won’t sell you a prescribed package because in any session, you can walk in with a new challenge or urgent concern.

You and your partner control and direct your recovery. It’s about you and it is your investment.

A great Counsellor listens to you, asks about you and has the skills to be evidence based in responding to your needs.

Through association with a professional body membership, a great Counsellor will have monthly supervision and regularly be learning and gathering new approaches through reputable training leaders.

I will not tell you what to do and what is wrong. Together we identify common reasons for being stuck. I will listen to you and guide you through new ways to grow and connect together.

You don’t have to! I believe trust is earnt.

I take my job very seriously as it is an intimate privilege to hold space for you, your partner and your story. 1. I belong to Professional Associations ACA and ASWA.

2. I have supervision every month.

3. I love to learn. My commitment to professional development is easy because I love learning and your challenge is mine - mine to find alternatives to what is not working today for you.

I invite you to trust your gut feeling (especially in the first session). Are you welcomed, comfortable, encouraged to challenge or slow counselling down? If emotion comes up in that first session, how are you protected and supported?

Like any new relationship, you should go slowly and trust your instincts.

If I was to answer emails and questions by text between my booked appointments for you, I would not be able to spend the time you need and to me this feels like I’m dishonouring the importance of your challenge. Also, it does not provide adequate opportunity for clarification and discussion. An appointment would be much better and respectful of time.

Use the website and the booking button. This way you can check schedules with your partner, you can adjust the time or day (if before 24 hours to avoid the full fee becoming the cancellation fee), and you can book ahead. You do not need to pay for advance bookings (If I was the client, I would be overwhelmed by that).

Once you have your log in password, you are good to go - no more back and forth through email.

The problem with back and forth through email or sms is that someone else could take the appointment I offer before you have a chance to get back to me. You are important!