Grief is a pain in the ass… belly, head and heart!
How do you feel it? In your head, through your thoughts? In your chest, through your heart, or in your belly when it becomes the centre of your being? Grief is different for everyone and maybe this is why it is hard to understand? Counselling can help you start to recognise where your grief is trapped and how to respond to it.
80% of the incoming messages to our brain come from our body – not the other way around.
Does it come and go in waves? While last year I felt a deep sadness through thoughts, this year I felt intense thickening in my throat, and maybe that is because there is nothing I can say to take the waves away for my dear friend after the loss of her son 5 years ago, her waves are coming every other day. This was the work of the ‘emotional brain.’
Grief is an individual experience and other people can support us when the waves come but ultimately it is up to us to acknowledge what we need. Other people will say uncomfortable things because they don’t know what to say. As a friend, sometimes saying nothing is best. Just be, be there, be available, be compassionate, be yourself. As the bereaved, be authentic, be selfish, be alone, be with others, be compassionate to yourself, be yourself. Working out what you need is the work of the ‘thinking brain.’
We need to bring the emotional brain parts and the thinking brain parts together.
How do we calm the waves and settle the sea, is that even possible? We get prepared and ready for the waves by allowing our thinking brain to process the pain, so the warning signs are recognised and the waves from the emotional brain don’t knock us off our feet. We anchor when the waves come (the emotional feelings in our body) – we tether to our loving supports, we connect with moments that bring forward our loving memories, we move our bodies, and we may seek support through counselling, so you don’t have to do this alone.
Through counselling, your cultural perspective and world view is explored, respected and understood. How to move your body and process pain is what we can discover together. It is your journey, and I’m here to help you recognise the waves, find a tether or ultimately learn to ride them.
Janet
Research by others influencing my approach:
Geller, S., & Porges, S. (2014). Therapeutic presence: Neurophysiological mechanisms mediating feeling safe in therapeutic relationships. Journal of Psychotherapy Integration, 24(3), 178-192. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0037511
Echterling, L. G., Presbury, J., & McKee, J. E. (2005). Crisis Intervention: Promoting Resilience and Resolution in Troubled Times. NJ: Pearson Education
