My holiday with my little friend - Annie Anxiety
On a recent international holiday, I looked my anxiety in the eye, and ‘she’ actually helped me. She taught me things about myself. She helped my travel friends recognise my behaviour and respond to me with understanding. She was well behaved. While she stayed, she sat quietly in the background when I didn’t need her. Funny how she worked out how to board the plane without being noticed this time.
Let’s give anxiety a name… Annie. I picture her as a small human with a huge head and massive eyes. She’s cute, not scary. She carries a notebook and has a superpower to dissolve and reappear when needed. She is needed because her job is to keep me safe. However, her presence is not always necessary. If I could draw her, this is what she’d look like.
The therapeutic approach behind the above is called ‘externalising’ (from narrative therapy). I am not my anxiety! It does not control me! I understand it’s purpose and now, she changes the way I see the story. I also notice anxiety and hold her thoughts lightly. She does not consume or control me or cause me to suffer. I just experience anxiety in some moments more than others.
A quick back story: on my first international trip to the same country, Anxiety showed up and created chaos. I had a complete meltdown. I wasn’t expecting her. I didn’t notice her arrival until it was too late. Anxiety ruined the first two nights of our anniversary getaway in one of the most amazing hotels in the world.
How Anxiety Harmed
I felt like I was in the dark and vulnerable because I didn’t know where to go. I couldn’t orientate my presence and where places were. I was worried I would miss out on seeing the ‘bucket list’ tourist attractions. I knew my fitness was low and my feet (even with orthotics) would not last. The worst part: I didn’t trust my husband to lead, support or protect so we argued for hours. I think this was my first panic attack, but it looked like rage, arrogance, and impatience. When really, I was experiencing fear, lack of confidence, excitement (like ‘what do I see first’) and newness (seriously, I was a beginner at international travel). After this trip we needed Relationship Counselling!
How Anxiety Helped
- This time was different, I got fit.
- I made sure I had good shoes, and even outfits that matched my walking shoes. On this second trip I noticed even the locals wear sensible walking shoes with any outfit.
- After arrival, my first job was to find a map and get orientated again. (I knew I would be ok because Annie reminded me to pack one of the maps I kept from the last trip, just in case.) Annie helped me get prepared.
Interesting, my travel friends noticed my body relax and my presence in conversation improve as soon as I found a new map. Annie Anxiety was present but not causing me to suffer.
Annie Anxiety showed up a few other times but with much more control and respect for myself, my husband, and my friends.
- I needed to write down a schedule of where we were going each day. Not to be that horrible travel buddy that is the self-assigned schedule sergeant (or maybe I was) but to calm my own mind. Anxiety just helped me get organised to reduce feelings of overwhelm or chaos.
- I trusted others to lead. I saw getting lost as an adventure and we found other amazing places because we were lost. Anxiety usually gets in the way of adventure and spontaneity, that’s why we dislike it.
- I accepted mistakes will happen. Duty free alcohol in a backpack will never get through the security check before boarding and we would not be standing if we drank enough to only leave 100mls. Another rookie error, but this might be more about PERFECTIONISM. Perhaps I have that too? Keep an eye out for a blog.
We learn the most from our mistakes when there is compassionate reflection.
When we hold thoughts lightly (an Acceptance Commitment Therapy approach), we create enough space to observe the facts and make better decisions about how we prefer to respond. There is so much to learn about ourselves when we reflect with respect for ourselves. After the second trip, we have amazing memories and I’m the Relationship Counsellor that can help couples navigate anxiety while maintaining acceptance, support, and connection.
