Birthday celebrations are for who - the child, the parents, the family?
When your child hits a milestone, how often do you stop and allow yourself to feel pride about the job you have done? Often, the focus is on the child or the young adult and preparing a memorable celebration they will look back on with appreciation.
As parents we get excited about the 18th – the beginning of adulthood, a graduation, a new job. Then in the blink of an eye, we are planning a 21st. As parents plan celebrations, the clash of boundaries, expectations, backgrounds and family cultures can become barriers to the ultimate celebration. There is the potential for conflict, and even grief as you may grieve the children that have grown or the opportunities you have missed as a parent, or the angel child you have not had the chance to surprise or celebrate in person anymore.
“Birthdays bring up all manner of good, bad and beautiful”
Parenting transitions are often overlooked at these special times due to the celebration focus being on the birthday person. Take a moment on each birthday, to consider how you have all grown, what your family culture and traditions are around celebrations and what core values you are implanting for your children.
“We tell our children we are proud of them – I want to tell you, you should be proud of you.”
I sent a message to a treasured mother within the village I adore, when her beautiful daughter turned 18…
“YOUR big day is here! Your first baby is an adult, and you did that. Yes, you did! You have nurtured, supported, advised, inspired and have been available for her every step. Celebrate the beautiful young woman she has become and, celebrate the role you have played in nurturing that.”
Imagine having a conversation with your partner about what it means to you both, to have nurtured and supported your son or daughter from infancy to the stage they are currently achieving. Are you close enough to share what your hopes are for their future, what you want to do more or less of and how you have both grown as parents, as a couple and as an individual? Let’s not forget, as you admire their growth, you have also grown right alongside them. It is possible to come closer as parents and continue to strengthen relationship, with your partner and your children. At each birthday celebrate the child but celebrate you and your partner as well.
Reflecting on these transitions are the moments to strengthen the relationship foundation to prepare for the ultimate ‘empty nest’.
If this opportunity to reflect, brings up disappointment or regret for you and you end up believing you should be more, better or something different, then I can help you find meaning in those thoughts and then understand where they originate from. I will find strength in you as an individual, I will listen and identify the gifts you share with your partner and I will encourage you to keep being the amazing parent you have been, no matter which transition it is or how hard it gets.
