Big Conversations
Having BIG conversations are often difficult. Consider the following to decide if Relationship Counselling can help you master the moments when BIG conversations must happen. When should these conversations happen? Before you get married = IDEAL. Just after you make a commitment = IMPORTANT. As things change in an established partnership = ESSENTIAL.
Do you know what a ‘gentle start up’ is? How do you pick the right time?
Do you think your partners past and how that is influencing them now is causing a problem?
Do you notice triggers in your own body and notice what is happening for your partner – How do you call a break early before either of you become emotionally flooded?
Am I backing down if I allow the speaker to finish speaking and keep patient while waiting for my turn? How do I stay on their point, be curious, accept perspective, and listen for emotion?
If you find difficult conversations challenging, become anxious or grew up where conversations did not include the above, Relationship Counselling with New View Counselling can help.
Some of the BIG Conversations to consider when in partnership might include (and are not limited to):
Spend Money or Invest Money?
How would you describe your own and your partners spending habits? Do you agree?
When should ‘settling down’ start – life should be fun right?
What are your financial goals – what does having ‘enough’ look like? If you want more, why? Where does the desire to have more come from?
What if one of you is a spender and the other a saver (or investor)? How do you distribute money to do both?
Have you ever lived with a budget? Do you understand one? Who will write it, how do you negotiate ‘Yours and Mine’ especially if there is an imbalance in who earns what?
What about Children?
When do you want to have children?
How many children will you have?
Who will be your back up – family, grandparents, paid babysitters?
How far away do we live from reliable family networks?
Private school or Public schools – and why?
To smack or not to smack (trick question there)? This is really about discussing how you were disciplined as a child and your preferences today.
Who keeps working? Who has leave to be the primary carer?
How will we manage emotional needs of the children and ourselves?
What if our child is born with a disability or long term health challenge?
Alone Moments & Intimate Moments?
What are my intimacy boundaries and sexual preferences?
What is not negotiable and would end our marriage?
Does my sexual history bother my partner?
What if sex becomes boring? How will I express this?
Is texting, sexting, or watching porn without physical contact just like an affair?
What does alone time look like? What if your partner had to work away for 6 weeks?
Live Country or City?
Does your dream house include land and no neighbours for 5 km?
Where do you expect your career to take you? Can you work from home? Are you prepared to move around for work?
Do you need easy access to festivals, a variety of schools, major shopping outlets, national events?
Is your family home where you make all your memories or just a place to stay?
Who will Work - Can we Both Have a Career?
Will one of you adjust to support the career of the other?
When will you fit in together time away from work and what will you be doing?
How will you express feeling like less of a priority to your partner? How will you regain, or reignite, their attention and your connection?
There are some tricks to learn that make BIG conversations smoother. I have many clients say, “I wish I knew this earlier” and they only need a few sessions before they start to notice and feel change. They feel safer to bring up uncomfortable topics. They feel more connected after reaching a deeper understanding of each other. They notice ‘arguments’ don’t last as long, they recognise where they are stuck and know how to fix it.
In a safe, comfortable counselling room, I will support you to explore, which topics relate to you and how to have the BIG conversations. Call New View Counselling to book or ask questions. 0456 1672 969
Stay tuned, the next bog is ‘how’ to have these BIG conversations.
