Relationship Counselling
At New View Counselling and Support
Our Aims
[1] Move together from relationship distress to security.
[2] We will :
a] Deescalate the conflict by identifying the conflict pattern and attachment fears.
b] Identify needs and show acceptance of perspective and experience.
c] Increase emotional engagement and responsiveness to each other while expressing needs – we restructure and consolidate the interaction pattern and relationship connection.
[3] Explore the pattern and cycle of conflict – what are the triggers, are there unmet attachment needs (this is internal dialogue often misunderstood), what is the emotional reaction driving the thoughts and behavioural reactions?
[4] Change involves a new experience of the self and your partner and the creation of a new relationship pattern.
Structure of Sessions
[5] There will be early questionnaires and information gathering – this helps me get a clearer picture of your goals, current issues, perceptions, personalities, history. We can use some of these as measuring tools to check progress and changes. There may be activities to complete at home.
[6] Most of the session work will be as a couple. We may have individual sessions to focus on one person’s thoughts, feelings and perceptions. This can be opportunity to articulate and clarify. We will always offer this to the other partner and reconvene to couple work. If it becomes apparent, ongoing individual work is required, I will offer you a referral for individual counselling so I can continue supporting you both as a couple.
[7] You will know when we have had enough sessions. Expecting 10 initially is a realistic plan. Your initial goals may change, and new issues may evolve. This is very flexible. Your satisfaction and progress will be our guide. We can initially have sessions weekly or fortnightly depending upon the crisis or the longevity of the issue. We can progressively space sessions out. Before we consolidate, it is helpful to have at least one session to summarise your progress, to highlight your achievements and new confidence. Follow up sessions are recommended at six months, twelve months, and eighteen months – follow ups significantly reduce relapse into old patterns and catch new challenges early.
Our Responsibilities
[8] Come to sessions with intention to process something we have discussed last session, experiences between sessions, or a goal, something you hope to achieve.
[9] Be prepared to identify and explore your emotional reactions to a comment or situation. Why, because when you detach and do not feel, and it can become hard to separate the past from the present. Emotion becomes the target and agent of change. When you are safe to access and express emotions, it enables you to identify your most important needs and desires.
[10] Be present in the conversation. I may ask you “What did you hear your partner say?” (This is not about just repeating their words) – I am really asking “What was their ultimate experience of that moment?”
[11] We will maintain and encourage safety, respect – your voice will be heard and accepted.
[12] Both partners are equally able to contribute and feel valued without judgement.
[13] After sessions, allow time for yourself and your partner to process – this may be independently or together. Respectfully, allow space and do support each other in processing interpretations. If you have time after the session, go somewhere and ‘just be’. (Avoid heading straight into a business meeting).
[14] The best work often happens between sessions – when you maintain appropriate timing, approach with a gentle start up and reassure safety – I encourage you to practice new ways of connecting.
